Private Club Radio Show
Welcome to the Private Club Radio Show, the industry's weekly source for education, news, trends, and other current developments in the world of private clubs.
Hosted by the talented entertainer and industry expert, Denny Corby,
the podcast offers a unique perspective on the private club industry, featuring expert guests, product spotlights, predictions, and more.
Whether you're involved in a golf club management, yacht clubs, athletic clubs, or business clubs, the Private Club Radio Show is the essential podcast for
anyone seeking valuable insights and information on the latest trends and developments in the private club industry.
Private Club Radio Show
373: Emotional Intelligence and Burnout in Private Clubs w/ Sarah Mueller
In our latest episode with Sarah Mueller, an emotional intelligence expert, trainer, and coach, reveals her own transformative journey from burnout to balance.
Learn how emotional intelligence can be a game-changer, helping you address emotional baggage, live authentically, and challenge those deep-seated beliefs that lead to overworking and neglecting self-care.
We also tackle the prevalent issue of burnout among private club managers who are often caught in the relentless cycle of pleasing others.
Sarah and I discuss how recognizing the signs of burnout—such as exhaustion and lack of fulfillment—can be the first step toward taking radical responsibility for your life.
By embracing mindfulness, intentional responses, and building a habit of gratitude, you can realign with your true self, rediscover joy, and ultimately enhance your leadership energy to positively impact your team and club members. Don't miss this enlightening conversation that combines emotional intelligence with practical strategies for a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Pick up Sara's book, The Balanced Life Blueprint, HERE
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We all have these limiting beliefs that we got during our childhood and they essentially mean something like I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not smart enough, I'm not tall enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not whatever enough, this I'm not enoughness of some sort. And when we are operating from that place of I'm not enoughness, we are in this bogus belief, this untruth about ourself. But that's when we will work more than we need to to prove our worth, our value. You know, that's that's what I did in my earlier days. I I was the highest perform, one of the highest performers in my team, but I was working longer hours than everyone because I didn't believe that I was a value enough. This is when we neglect our self-care, because we feel like everyone else's value is more important than our own.
Speaker 2:Hey everyone, welcome to the Private Club Radio Show podcast, the industry source for news trends, updates and conversations all in the world of private golf and country clubs. Whether you're a seasoned expert or just getting started out, welcome aboard. We're glad you are here. I'm your host, denny Corby. This is the show where we go over all the topics, sometimes leadership, governance, management, food and beverage, marketing, branding. Today I have a great guest, very nice person. We have Sarah Mueller, and she does emotional intelligence speaking, training and coaching.
Speaker 2:And in this episode I have a new friend, wonderful person, sarah Mueller, from Joy Discovered, and she's an emotional intelligence speaker, consultant and coach. She's the author of the Balanced Life Blueprint. She works with clubs and works on how to get the most out of them and their team, so they're all working, collaborating and communicating effectively. We talk a bit about going from burnout to balance, how to kind of combat and come back from being maybe a little bit burnt out, and we even talk about what is burnout and what that is, what that entails, and maybe you might have it without even realizing. We're going to get to Sarah in one second, but before we do I want to give a quick shout out to some of our show partners here on the channel. We have Kenneth's Member Vetting. Check out our other episodes of Member Vetting here on Private Club Radio. It's all about diving deep into the member vetting process and about making sure that the people who we are letting into our clubs are who they say they are, and that's what Kenes member vetting is. It's an innovative, confidential and comprehensive applicant information gathering process that provides an unrivaled depth of information which allows you to make the most fully educated membership decision you can, because most background checks don't tell you about someone's behavior or their character. That is until now with Kenneth. So head on over to membervettingcom. Check them out.
Speaker 2:We have our friends Golf Life Navigators. It's Zillow e-harmony for golf enthusiasts who are looking for their dream club or their next club, especially in the sunbelt region. So club professional club club enthusiasts go on there and they fill out a application process and it spits out to them their dream clubs based on the data that they gave. So you're only getting matched with people who fit the criteria for your club. So it's a really great algorithm, really cool platform and there's nothing like it. So if you want to learn more. Head on over to golflifenavigatorscom. Fill out the contact form and one of the cool members over there will be in touch with you.
Speaker 2:We have concert golf partners, boutique owner-operators of private golf and country clubs nationwide. If you or your club is looking for some recapitalization, head on over to ConcertGolfPartnerscom. Set up a confidential phone call with Peter Nannula and see if you are a good fit. Preserve your club's legacy, enhance your club's amenities and see your membership thrive. Concertgolfpartnerscom and myself. Denny Corby the Denny Corby Experience. There's magic, mind reading, comedy, crowd work. There's excitement. There's mystery. Also, there's magic. It's a full, immersive evening, long experience, from the moment people show up until the time the show ends. It's a blast. If you want to learn more DennyCorbycom Whether it's an evening for the adults or the most fun family event night, you're going to have DennyCorbycom. Enough about us. Let's welcome to the Private Club Radio Show, sarah Mueller. Please welcome, sarah Mueller. How's it going, sarah?
Speaker 1:Hi, denny, I'm wonderful. How are you doing?
Speaker 2:I'm doing so well and I'm so much better now that you're here. Thank you so much for coming on. This is going to be such a great chat.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I'm excited to be with you.
Speaker 2:I know we got connected through our mutual friend Sean Blyle uh members first shout out members for Sean Blyle amazing people and he linked us up and I I feel like we clicked pretty quick. There were some good conversations and I was like, hey, we have to have a chat Because what you do is very important, extremely important, and for people who may not know, oh actually I should say you have a book out also, so you are an established, well-written author.
Speaker 1:My book is called the Balanced Life Blueprint. And what is that about? So the Balanced Life Blueprint? It is my journey through emotional intelligence, where I was in a state of burnout and rock bottom in my marriage and how I was able to move to a place of balance and purpose and joy in my life.
Speaker 2:That's, that's a. It's that that is a tough place to acknowledge and to tell other people about, too, to be that vulnerable. What is emotional intelligence?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'll. I'll share with you what emotional intelligence is. But I also want to speak to what you just said about being in that tough place of being that vulnerable, and you know, that is really something that I've had to embrace. That's allowed me to be where I am today. Just this idea of radical responsibility and looking at my life, you know, looking at the book that I wrote, and seeing that there were a lot of things that weren't working. I was super burnt out at work, I was stressed in my job, I was having a hard time sleeping at night, my finances were falling and I hit a rock bottom place with my marriage, and all of these were happening at the same time. I thought it was my job's fault, but I realized that I was the common denominator in all of that, and so that was really where I had to be vulnerable with myself and accept radical responsibility and understand that if anything in my life was going to change, it was really me myself who had to change. And so, in doing that and then putting it out there in book format and being able to help so many other people, really inviting others to address this or accept this idea of radical responsibility, and so, going back to your question around, what is emotional intelligence? What is that journey that I went through and that I now teach others to go through themselves, whether that's a leadership team or an individual coaching client, or in my book?
Speaker 1:Emotional intelligence is really about knowing and understanding ourselves so that we can manage ourselves, so that we can do the actions that are going to put us in line to our aspirational self.
Speaker 1:That's sort of the first half of EQ, which is the abbreviation that I use for emotional intelligence, and then the second half of emotional intelligence is others focused, so it's understanding others, those that you lead, those that you relate with, whether at work or at home, understanding what motivates them, being able to listen and have empathy and put yourself in their shoes. And then from that understanding of others, we can better relate with others, we can better communicate with and influence others and be an inspirational leader rather than a fear-based or a shame-based leader, as we saw a lot in the 20th century. It doesn't really work anymore for this current century of leadership, especially as private clubs are seeing, with the younger generations coming in, they are wanting to have some sort of work that is aligned with a bigger purpose or a bigger mission. They want to be on a growth path, and so emotional intelligence helps us to really have success in our personal life, our personal relationships, but also to have success as a leader of teams, in our work and our work relationships as well.
Speaker 2:Damn, that was good. Wow, Thank you for that. That was strong. That was strong. How did you to take one step back? How did you get involved into private clubs? What got you working at clubs?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So my husband has been in the luxury hospitality industry his entire career and he moved into the private club space specifically from Michelin star restaurants about I don't know, maybe eight, 10 years ago now, and just being married to him for so long, I was very familiar with the private club and the luxury hospitality space and I sort of decided to dive in and as I started working with different leadership teams in private clubs, I just really loved those teams that I was working with. I think that most private club managers get that they have to develop their team, that they have to really get their leaders communicating and not working in silos, because they know that the better that they take care of their staff and the better that they take care of their leaders, the better they're going to take care of the membership. And so a lot of the private club managers that I work with they understand the importance of this emotional intelligence or this human to human type relating that's necessary in order to ultimately keep their team engaged and provide a wonderful experience to their membership.
Speaker 2:I like that, I like that a lot. I liked, when we were talking, the one phrase you said from burnout to balance and that that just clicked a little bit. Um, uh, I got a little little burnt out. I think pandemic-y time really, uh, really did a number on a lot, of, a lot of people in a lot, a lot of different ways. Um, what, what are before we get to burnout? How can, how can people, what is burnout to you, actually to start Like, like what is burnout?
Speaker 1:So when I when I speak about burnout, I'm not necessarily speaking about, you know, the the official definition that you might find if you Googled burnout and we're looking at, you know, psychology based burnout. I'm more talking about those who feel like they don't have a reason to get up in the morning, those who have checked off all the boxes of success that our society or culture has given to us. They have the great job, they have the big salary, they have the vacations, they have the family and the house around it with the picket fence, and they're sort of looking at their life and saying, okay, really is this, it Is this what I've been working so hard for? And so it's really sort of a lack of inauthenticity, a lack of authenticity and also a lack of alignment. And when we start to feel that it really weighs on us, we feel heavy, we feel exhausted, we feel like we don't have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, even though there are a million things on our to-do list and a lot of responsibility that we have towards a lot of other people.
Speaker 1:But somewhere along the way we've stopped filling our own cup, we've stopped pouring into ourselves. This is super common in the private club space because a lot of the managers that I work with you know they're successful because they are people pleasers, right. They have hospitality mindset, they want to serve, they love to serve. It feels good to serve and when they're only outward focusing and serving others and we forget to serve ourselves, there becomes a disconnect and that's when that burnout starts happening and when we are snapping at our team, we are yelling at our kids, we are not feeling joy, and the name of my business is Joy Discovered and I really think that's a birthright for everyone that we can have success and well-being and good fortune and have that feeling of joy.
Speaker 2:What are some? What are some of those symptoms more, a little bit deeper, of your burnout? Because we were chatting a little bit before we started recording and I asked how does somebody know? You said well, to me it's I forget how I exactly phrase it, but it's like how does somebody know that they might be having burnout, or maybe it's starting to creep in? What are some of those little telltale signs that something's not right here?
Speaker 1:So it's going to be different for everyone, but what I see with a lot of the clients that I work with is they are sort of keeping themselves busy and distracting themselves from what's really going on. I can relate to that. When I was in my burnout space 15 years ago that prompted my emotional intelligence journey, I was drinking a glass or a bottle of wine every night to try to pretend that I wasn't as unfulfilled as I felt. So there's this lack of fulfillment, there's this lack of purpose, there's this exhaustion, there's this oh, I'm not sure I have enough to give others, even though so many people are asking more of me.
Speaker 1:I think there's also this, it's almost this we step into this victim place where we blame our job, or we blame our responsibilities, or we blame our family member, or we blame the coworker that doesn't have the self-awareness to have a good conversation with me, and we start to point fingers at other people.
Speaker 1:And as we're doing that, we're not taking that radical responsibility that I talked about before and it's adding to that heaviness and that stress and that not being able to turn work off and that needing to work more and more and more, even though we're less productive and we're getting less joy. I really believe that when we are aligned with our work and we're taking care of ourselves, we can show up with joy and, as any of the club managers know who are listening to this podcast, our energy as the leader trickles out to every one of our staff members and to every experience that the membership has, and so we really need to notice, when we are heading into, that lack of fulfillment, that lack of meaning, that overwhelming stress, that deep exhaustion or feeling of overwhelm or anxiety that doesn't go away, so we can start to take steps out of that burnout before it gets any worse.
Speaker 2:What are some of those steps?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So you know, I, there's a lot of literature and coaches and information out there about how to be balanced, and a lot of it has to do with time management and hiring a housekeeper and getting better sleep, and sure, all of those things are helpful, but those aren't really the underlying causes of burnout, and so what we really need to do is we really need to take that radical responsibility and turn inward and look at ourself. A lot of what causes this burnout is that we are living that inauthenticity that I spoke about earlier. We are doing all the shoulds. We're doing what our parents told us we should do. We're doing what society said we should be. We're fulfilling other people's dreams for ourself versus our own dream. So that's one of the things that we need to start seeing is am I living for myself or am I living for others?
Speaker 1:The second area that we look at when we look inside ourselves is what emotional baggage am I carrying? So part of emotional intelligence is understanding our patterns, our triggers, what's working for us, what's not, and so a lot of us hold emotional baggage from decades and decades. I mean, we had a conversation with one of our family members and I've let it go. I let it go. People tell me but have you really? Because if you have that emotion attached to it when you're telling it to me right now, that shows me that you haven't processed it, you haven't healed from it. Or even you know I'll work with, with teams and there was an email that was sent eight months ago and someone on the team is still grasping to that email and what it meant. And so we carry this emotional relationship really baggage with us that without it being cleaned up, without us taking responsibility for our piece of it and cleaning it up with the other person, it really weighs us down and until we release that, we don't recognize how heavy it actually is and how much of our energy it's actually draining. So that's the second.
Speaker 1:The third piece that I think is really important for us to examine when we're moving from that burnout to balance are what I call bogus beliefs. We all have these limiting beliefs that we got during our childhood and they essentially mean something like I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not smart enough, I'm not tall enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not whatever enough, this I'm not enoughness of some sort. And when we are operating from that place of I'm not enoughness. We are in this bogus belief, this untruth about ourself, but that's when we will work more than we need to to prove our worth, our value. You know, that's that's what I did in my earlier days. I I was the highest perform, one of the highest performers in my team, but I was working longer hours than everyone because I didn't believe that I was a value enough.
Speaker 1:This is when we neglect our self care because we feel like everyone else's value is more important than our own. Or this is when we have the imposter syndrome that doesn't allow us to look at all of the successes that we have and celebrate all the wins that we have, and so we keep doing and trying to fill this not enoughness, which is actually causing that burnout. And so we have to really go back and deconstruct that belief and understand where it came from and really stand in the truth of the power of who we are. And so what I've noticed as a coach and even as a yoga teacher back in the day, is that every single person that I've ever worked with, every single student that I've ever had on their yoga mat, every single leadership team that I've ever had the privilege of leading them through my EQ workshops.
Speaker 1:They are always so much more capable of what they first believe for themselves because we're in this limited mindset or this bogus belief, and so, you know, I get to, as the coach, sort of push people up to their edge and see the greatness that's within them and pull it out of them. And really that is what emotional intelligence is. As a leader, that is what I'm teaching the private club leaders to do in their teams to see the greatness that is within each of their staff, what motivates each of their staff members individually, and tie their identity to that, so that you can pull the greatness out of them, so that they're loyal to you and your club, so that they're not walking by the napkin that's on the floor in the dining room and instead they're picking it up and have pride about what the private club dining room looks like. So it's, you know that's a lot that I just threw at you, so I'll stop there and see if you have any questions.
Speaker 2:You can keep talking for hours. That was for me to be quiet is a lot. That was good. I love to talk, so that is that is so good.
Speaker 1:You can just I love this, as you can tell.
Speaker 2:Keep on going. No, so, and and I would just, I'm I'm sure social media does not help all of this at all. Having this cell phone cause you see everybody else winning and and it, it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think it was Theodore Roosevelt who said that comparison is the thief of joy. And so when we are on social media and we are comparing ourselves to others and someone else's vacation and someone else's promotion and someone else's kid that got the A or whatever it is, we're seeing their highlight reel. First of all, and even though we intellectually know this, it doesn't matter right, we're still comparing ourselves to others and we're feeling less than or we're feeling better than, and there's this judgment. And so I love social media. I follow a lot of people that are inspiring to me, but it's absolutely.
Speaker 1:If we're not careful about who we're following and if we don't set boundaries around our time on it and how we're using it can absolutely eat into our balance and our joy. And you know it's so funny. People will come to me and say, well, I don't have time to create a balanced life, and I say, well, how much time do you have on your screen time right now? Don't tell me that you don't have 10 minutes to meditate or 10 minutes to journal or 10 minutes to work on yourself or read a book. A lot of us are just numbing out on our phones or in other ways, and that is keeping us from balance and joy.
Speaker 2:I mean, technically, can't this be your substitute for wine? I can't. I mean in a way, Absolutely. It's intoxicating.
Speaker 1:There's the scrolling, there's the eating, there's the shopping, there's the staying busy, there's the working more than I need to. There's the staying busy. There's the working more than I need to, there's the wine. There are a lot of ways that we numb and shove down our feelings, and really that's a part of emotional intelligence, is okay. Rather than shoving these feelings down and pretending that I'm not angry or resentful or unfulfilled, really my feelings are meant to be felt so that I can understand what's the data, as my Harvard professor calls it, or what's the message that this feeling has for me, and then I can take action on it. And we know that in order for change to occur, we can have the best of intentions, but if we're not taking action we're not taking actions on our feelings then we're staying in this stuck place of burnout.
Speaker 1:I find this a lot of times with the private clubs that I work with on the leadership teams. Some conflict will happen or someone will say something and there's a misunderstanding and instead of addressing it, this drama creates around it. And three hours there's a research study that says that 2.8 hours per week per employee is wasted because of executives across all industries not addressing conflict. And so part of emotional intelligence and feeling our emotions is okay. When I have something coming up for me, let me talk about it. Let me deal with it with this person or deal with it with myself if it's a feeling that I have.
Speaker 2:So Is there with clubs and managers and club professionals, is there a common? Is there one common? What I'm looking for, vice or thing that you see most common, that they tend to go towards? Whether is it overworking, is it the sauce a little bit, do you see, or is it? I mean, I know all of us are different, but have you seen, is there maybe like a more common denominator, things that you see club professionals doing?
Speaker 1:I think I would probably group it in achievement, it's, it's the achieving, and so so, yes, there, you know, there there are levels of addiction within clubs, within all spaces, but it's a bit higher in hospitality. But it seems to be the, the overwork and the achievement, and then even the, the people pleasing, you know, the giving to the staff, the giving to the membership, and then the giving to the family, and it's almost like this, this constant giving to the staff, the giving to the membership, and then the giving to the family, and it's almost like this constant giving to others is not allowing a club manager or a club professional to recognize okay, I need to take a step back and give to myself, and it's difficult because anyone in club management is rewarded for being a people pleaser. In a way, that's how they got into their jobs. Club management is rewarded for being a people pleaser in a way, you know, that's how they got into their jobs. But but those are common things that I that I see with with the club managers that I work with.
Speaker 2:Wow, is your next book going to be called radical responsibility?
Speaker 1:You know what? I don't know yet what that book is going to be called. So that that that might be, I love it. I'm going to add it to the list.
Speaker 2:The way you said it. A bunch of times I was like, oh, that's definitely going to be it. I'm surprised that hasn't came across. Yeah, no.
Speaker 1:It's a new term that I've been playing with, but it really describes what I believe in and the type of work that I offer leadership teams and my coaching clients, because we really need to. You know, we can blame the job, we can blame the person, we can blame the city we live in, we can blame the president, we can blame the economy, but really we are responsible for any, any changes, any success that we have, both inwardly and outwardly. It all comes down to ourselves and once we accept that and start making changes, then we're able to move into balance, joy, success, whatever that looks like for us.
Speaker 2:I've been digging, digging more past couple of years, but it's starting to get a little bit more deeper into like stoicism and Ryan Holiday and like all of those people, and it's just like. The common theme is just like yep, it's just yep, you have to accept it. I can control it. These are my. It's all me.
Speaker 1:It's funny. I started working out with a trainer recently and he said you're so stoic when you're lifting I can't tell if I'm challenging you or not. So yes, I keep this calm. I keep a calm demeanor even in the midst of of challenge.
Speaker 2:Do you, do you like track your food and all that stuff too? And no, I think I'm like healthy stuff now.
Speaker 1:I mean, I try to be healthy, but I'm not that regimented with my food. It's a beautiful day.
Speaker 2:Don't let it get away. I saw them in Boston at Patriot Stadium for their 360 tour. Oh very cool, they were cool. Oh, here it is.
Speaker 1:I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers this last Friday in Tampa. It was super fun and Ice Cube opened for them, so it was a fun combo.
Speaker 2:What that is wild.
Speaker 1:What a show.
Speaker 2:F Scott Fitzgerald the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. I was just like, oh, it was so good.
Speaker 1:Yes, well, and that's such an interesting piece of emotional intelligence as well, because we can have both joy and sorrow at the same time.
Speaker 1:We can have both happiness and sadness, or happiness and pain at the same time.
Speaker 1:We are very complex humans, and so it doesn't mean that we have to just be in a state of joy or just be in a state of hurt.
Speaker 1:There is the ability to have multiple feelings at the same time, and then you know, we want to really lean into all of them and learn what the feelings have for us, and also when we can go into that state of joy and find, you know, I'm I'm also really a joy seeker, and so where can I find those pieces of joy? And you know, the big adventures and the red hot chili peppers concert, and all those fun, amazing things. But also, you know, in my, my delicious cup of coffee that I have in the morning and this beautiful plant that's outside my window, and just all the little things. When we start looking at life through the lens of, almost like a child, does you know, everything is magical. That is also a way that we can start to build in just little pieces of joy and move out of that burnout into a state of more gratitude and a state of more peace and really expansiveness.
Speaker 2:There was a. I forget who said it or what it was. It could have been even been like a meme on social media, but it was like when, when, when a kid hands you, and when a kid hands you an invisible phone, you answer that thing Like it was one of those. It's true, Like a kid, like here you're like, oh my hello, Like you always pick it up, Uh, having that fun, that that imagination.
Speaker 1:And that's such a reminder, I think, because you know when we're, when we're in that state of burnout and we're always kind of doing and moving on to the next thing on the to-do list and the dinner that we have to make and the kids' homework that we have to help them with, and then I got to get a good night's sleep because I have to be at the club early in the morning tomorrow. We get caught in all of that doing and we're like I'm guilty of it myself. I'm more likely to be like nope, sorry, can't answer that phone right now. I've got to put dinner on the table.
Speaker 1:But one of the practices within emotional intelligence is mindfulness, so we're able to be more in the present moment and to really pause and choose how we want to respond, whether that's to our child handing us the invisible telephone, or a comment that a coworker makes, or the way that a membership requested something that we can't possibly fulfill. You know, there's power in the pause, in being able to say let me respond versus emotionally react. And when we start changing our triggers and our reactions through the work of emotional intelligence, we're able to be more intentional and really responsive to life, the good and the bad, and really responsive to life, the good and the bad.
Speaker 2:So good, sarah. Thank you so so, so, so much for coming on. I'm sure this is gonna be the first of many. Our listeners are gonna love this. How can people find out or learn more about you?
Speaker 1:So I am at joydiscoveredcom, so that's joydiscovered, with an E-D dot com and that links to all of my social, my programs, all that good stuff, my book. That's where I'm at.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much again for coming on, really appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely my pleasure.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for coming on, sarah. Hope you all enjoyed that. If you'd like to learn a little bit more about Sarah, head on over to joydiscoveredcom. That's joydiscoveredcom. That's joydiscovercom. You can also find her on LinkedIn as well S-A-R-A-M-U-E-L-L-E -R. While you're searching the interwebs, if you're not signed up to our newsletter to get early access to some episodes, head on over to privateclubradiocom. The announcement bar will pop up. Fill it out. Join in. Come on in. The water's fine, everyone's doing it. That's this episode. I'm your host, danny Corby. Until next time, catch you on the Flippity Flip.
